Ladies and Gentlemen

What does it mean to impress people?  Are other peoples opinions important?  The sensible answer is no.  If you are a self-possessed human then you are capable of deciding the difference between right and wrong without the positive or negative feedback of the world surrounding you.  But is that a realistic answer?

If you're a child your parents opinion of you certainly matters.  If you have a boss his or her opinion certainly matters.  If you believe in something greater than yourself then That opinion matters to you.  All these opinions sit outside of our self-possessed little worlds.

What of my own life?  Why have I embarked on this particular diatribe after such a long absence from my blog-sphere of one?  Because all night long at my job waiting tables in a restaurant I felt faced with decision after decision between doing what I am naturally drawn towards or shouldering more than I'm comfortable with.  I worked with a man who is as aggressive an alpha male personality as you will meet.  I'm not saying that the man I worked with tonight is aggressive physically he simply pushes his personality, his wants and desires to the forefront of any interaction.  He doesn't pause long enough to notice another persons reaction because if they aren't as overt in displaying their needs as he is it doesn't register for him.

And what bothers me is that I allowed this forceful personality to entice me into something I felt uncomfortable with from the start.  There I was having a nice smooth night when my co-worker pushes to have us pick up another table outside of our assigned station.  It was my turn in our rotation so the table he wants us to pick up will be mine.  I go along with this because I am inclined to make people happy.  I work in a job where the more I make people happy the better my night goes.  So as a night wears on I settle into this roll more completely before long I'm working as hard for my co-workers as I am for my guests.  The part I play consumes me and I find myself sickened with my attempts to balance my strict code of conduct with the increased workload I shoulder from all my people pleasing.  It rarely works out to be a flattering display of my best sides.  Which, for a person who is already a loner, leaves me feeling adrift.  Moreover this attempt to make people happy that I don't genuinely have any interest in, I just try to please them because it is a part of the flow I'm in at the moment, makes me seem like a fool - or some other derogatory comment - to everyone around who I might actually care about.